Your Facebook Status & Funny Facebook Status!

If your favorite football team is cleaning up their golf clubs, some of these might be for you!

• says football is a game of inches, and that’s how the (TEAM) move the ball.
• says the only thing (QUARTERBACK) can do with the ball, is autograph it.
• says the (TEAM) players have a lot on the ball. Unfortunately, it’s never their hands.
• says (PLAYER YOU HATE) originally wanted to wear #53… It was his combined SAT Score.
• says the (TEAM) have a great Nickel Defense… And that’s just about what it’s worth.
• says the (TEAM) have a lot of veteran players; Unfortunately they all play like they served in World War I.
• says you know the (TEAM) was having a bad year when the marching band formed a noose at halftime.
• says the (TEAM) really know how to move the ball. Unfortunately it’s never forward.
• says (FIRED COACH) retired due to illness and fatigue. The fans were sick and tired of him.
• says the only way the (TEAM) can gain footage is by running the game film backward.
• says the (TEAM) had so many disabled players this year, the team bus got to park in a handicapped space.

Bowlers young and old, these status updates are for you!

• thinks bowling may be right up my alley.
• says if you can’t hear a pin drop, something may be wrong with your bowling game.
• says if it weren’t for bowling, (insert town here) wouldn’t have any culture at all.
• goes bowling every four years, just to make sure I still hate it.
• wonders if Alley Cats would be good at bowling.

From “Kingpin” (© 1996 MGM)
• doesn’t puke when I drink. I puke when I don’t.
• really jarred something loose.
• is on a gravy train with biscuit wheels.
• knows that sometimes, a bowler just has to face the music. And that bowler… Is… You.
• wants a Tanqueray and Tab. And keep ‘em coming.
• says the world can really kick your ass. I only have a VAGUE recollection of when it wasn’t kickin’ mine.
• just got Munsoned.

Here are a few status updates for Hockey lovers everywhere!

• is going to put the wood to it.
• is five hole, all day long.
• just put the biscuit in the basket.
• is tired of the dump and chase.
• froze the puck.
• is executing a career one-timer.
• says warm up the bus. This one’s over.
• is facing an odd man rush.
• is backchecking a serious deadline.
• is changing on the fly.
• is delayed offside.
• is back at full strength.
• says garbage goals count just like the good ones.
• is looking for the hat trick.
• stuck in a neutral zone trap.
• has started the playoff beard.
• is sweep checking.
• is shooting top shelf.
• is trying to light the lamp.

• knows the safest place during tornado season is the endzone in Ford Field. They never touchdown there.
• knows the NFL gave Detroit Super Bowl XL because it was the closest the Lions would ever get to one.
• knows the first thing you’ll hear after the Lions with the Super Bowl will be your alarm clock.
• knows the similarity between the Lions and Billy Graham. They can both make 80,000 people stand up and yell “Jesus!”
• knows the NFL will never give Flint a professional football team because then Detroit would want one too.
• knows the difference between the Lions and a dollar bill; You can get four good quarters out of a dollar.
• knows why Rod Marinelli was so mad when his playbook was stolen — He hadn’t finished coloring it yet.
• says “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “Owen.” “Owen who?” “Owen Sixteen.”
• says the Lions are a lot like possums. They play dead at home and get killed on the road.
• says the average person will travel 100 miles over the holiday season, while the Lions will be lucky to go ten yards.
• knows how to keep Lions out of your yard. You just put up a goal post.
• knows the difference between the Lions and the Taliban. The Taliban have a decent running game.
• knows how the Lions count to sixteen… 0-1, 0-2, 0-3…
• heard Rod Marinelli only dressed 28 players today… The rest figured out how to dress themselves.
• knows when the Lions are going to run the ball… The back leaves the huddle with tears in his eyes.
• accidentally left two Lions tickets on my dash when I ran into the store. I came out to find my window smashed. Someone had left two more tickets next to mine.

• says golf is a game where you yell “fore,” shoot six, and write down five.
• went golfing. I spent so much time in the sand, I saw Yassir Arafat… Twice!
• was putting like I was at the Junior Prom… All lip and no hole.
• golfed like a head chef today… I sliced everything!
• is getting better at golf. I miss the hole a lot closer now.
• found a way to take five strokes off my golf game. It’s called an eraser.
• is taking two pair of trousers to the golf course today, in case I get a hole in one.
• spent so much time in the bunker today that I accepted a package addressed to Hitler.
• hit the best two balls of my life today. I stepped on a rake.
• says golf is like life. You strive for the green and end up in the hole.
• says my golf game was so bad today I had to have my ball retriever regripped!