• says lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
• says Monday is a terrible way to start the week.
• knows the squeaky wheel gets replaced.
• says confidence is what you have when you don’t really understand the situation.
• says if at first you do succeed, try not to look surprised.
• says if at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
• knows whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
• thinks hard work has a future payoff, but laziness pays off NOW.
• says errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
• reminds you that to err is human, to forgive is not company policy.
• always gives 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.
• knows people who do the world’s real work don’t usually wear neckties.
• didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you.
• thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
• feels that a cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
• thinks that the facts, though interesting, are irrelevant.
• wonders if there is life before coffee?
• says if all else fails, lower your standards.
• says according to my calculations, the problem doesn’t exist.
• finds work fascinating. I could watch it for hours.
• reminds you to look out for #1, and try not to step in #2.
• loves deadlines, especially the whooshing sound as they fly by.
• thinks that failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software.
• is just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
• doesn’t have a solution, but I admire the problem.
• says some days it’s not worth chewing through the restraints.
• says if you can’t convince them, confuse them.
• sometimes thinks I understand everything. Then I regain consciousness.
• doesn’t mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
• never argues with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
• says if at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
• says many a crown of wisdom is but the golden champerpot of success worn with pompous dignity.
• might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m actually quite busy.
• went to the bookstore and asked where the “Self-Help Section” was.
• accepts that some days I’m the pigeon and some days I’m the statue.
• can please only one person in a day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
• knows that good news is just nature’s way to keep you off balance.
• says indecision is the key to flexibility.
• says in two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
• says if at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use beating a dead horse.
• knows everything can be filed under “Miscellaneous.”
• says if it wasn’t for the last minute, I wouldn’t get anything done!
• says when you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
• says success is just a matter of luck. Ask any loser.
• is so poor, I may get married just for the rice.
• says the best things in life are free… Or have no interest payments for a year.
• is so poor, I’m going to KFC to lick other people’s fingers.
• is broke like the Ten Commandments.
• says if a fool and his money are soon parted, I must be the village idiot!
• says always borrow money from a pessimist… They won’t expect it back.
• has a drinking problem. I can’t afford it.
• says this isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lights.
• pretends to work, and they pretend to pay me.
• says this place has too many clowns and not enough sponge noses.
• is not the “people person” you think I am.
• is lowering the bar.
• is thinking outside the box with a full plate.
• forgot the cover sheet to the TPS report… Again.