Your Facebook Status & Funny Facebook Status!

• doesn’t have an attitude problem. Perhaps you have a perception problem?
• says nostalgia ain’t what it used to be.
• says the best way to a man’s heart is to saw his breast plate open.
• says just because you’re smart, doesn’t mean the other guy is stupid.

A few witty comebacks and zingers for you…

• can’t believe that out of all that sperm, you were the quickest.
• had a perfectly wonderful day. But this wasn’t it.
• doesn’t know what your problem is, but I bet it’s hard to pronounce.
• knows you are, but what am I?
• is busy now. Can I ignore you some other time?
• says “Make me.”
• says “You’re not the boss of me.”
• said “That’s what she said.”

• knows that common sense is not always common practice.
• wants to be the person my dog thinks I am.
• would kill for a Nobel Peace Prize
• says all extremists should be shot
• says time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
• says it’s bad luck to be superstitious.
• says happiness is good health and bad memory.
• says love is grand. Divorce is twenty grand.

• says the only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
• says if all is not lost, where is it?
• says the truth is rarely pure and never simple.
• says a wise man can see more from the bottom of a well, than a fool can from a mountain top.
• says those who dance are thought to be crazy by those who can’t hear the music.
• says belief is no substitute for knowledge.

Hmm…

• reminds you to no sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.
• wonders if there is another word for synonym.
• wonders where forest rangers go to “Get away from it all.”
• is putting M&Ms in alphabetical order.
• missed the #44 bus, so I bought two tickets for the #22 instead.
• is having delusions of adequacy.
• says if they don’t have chocolate in Heaven, I’m not going.
• used to be Schizophrenic, but we’re okay now.
• says chocolate… Coffee… Men… Some things are just better when they’re rich.
• says growing old is inevitable. Growing up is optional.
• says if you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
• wonders what happens if you get scared half to death, twice.

• wonders if you can buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop.
• wonders why wrong numbers are never busy.
• believes five out of four people have trouble with fractions.
• wonders if we’re here to help others, why exactly are the others here?
• wonders why they call it research when they’re looking for something new.
• thinks it is a bit cruel that the word “Lisp” has an “S” in it.
• wonders why “Abbreviated” is such a long word.
• just played a blank cassette at full blast. It drove the mime next door nuts.
• wonders why the person who invests all your money is called a broker.
• wonders if we evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes around?
• wonders if a pig with laryngitis would be considered disgruntled.

• says a fool and his money are soon partying!
• says bacteria are the only culture some people have.
• says depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
• says experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
• says if space is a vacuum, who changes the bag?
• asks why the “Slow Children” sign has the picture of a kid who is running?
• is imagining a world without hypothetical situations.
• wonders about the value of “Self-Help” groups.
• wonders how many weeks are in a light year.
• wonders if blind people wear sunglasses, why don’t deaf people wear earmuffs?
• wonders if part-time bandleaders could be considered semi-conductors.

• reminds you that eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
• says a day without sunshine is pretty much like night.
• says on the other hand, I have a different set of fingers.
• is diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
• says nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.
• intends to live forever. So far, so good.
• says when everything is coming your way, you’re most likely in the wrong lane!
• says Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life!
• is planning something spontaneous…
• says he who laughs last, thinks slowest.
• wonders how much deeper the oceans would be without sponges.
• is ambivalent. Or maybe not.

• says eleventeen percent of people make up words.
• is right 90% of the time, and is not concerned with the other 6%.
• is 1 to the cube root of 3.
• says Amoebas make poor mathematicians; they divide to multiply.
• says 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?

• says virginity is like a bubble; one prick, all gone.
• says man who runs in front of car gets tired.
• says man who runs behind car gets exhausted
• says man with hand in pocket feels cocky all day.
• says foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
• says man who walks through airport turnstile sideways is going to Bangkok.
• says man with one chopstick go hungry.
• says man who eats too many prunes gets a good run for his money.
• says baseball is wrong: a man with four balls cannot walk.
• says panties are not the best thing on Earth, but next to the best thing on Earth.
• says war does not determine who is right, war determines who is left.
• says wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
• says man who fights with wife all day get no peace at night.
• says man who farts in church sits in own pew.
• says a crowded elevator smells different to the midget.